Oi
by Jerex
Summary: the Code Lyoko gang are pissed and they want you to know why, please read it is funny, rated for swearing
1. Chapter 1

**Oi! We want a word with you!**

**Synopsis: ****the cast of Code Lyoko are pissed and want the fan fic authors to know why (must read, it is good!)**

"Oi You we want a word with you! Yeah were talking to you! Authors and Authoresses of the net" yells an extremely pissed off group of Lyoko warriors.

**JEARMY **firstly, will you stop guessing or coming up with ideas for my Lyoko form, I have one, I'm just never going to use it, you got that?

**ODD** nice start Einstein.

**YUMI **now onto some other issues, like for example the show is based in France all right? OKAY, so some of us maybe of Japanese or German or of African descent, our nationality is still French.

**ULRICH **our currency is not Francs or even Bucks we do not use dollars we use Euros', also I'm the captain of the Football team not Soccer team, Americans call it that us in France like the English call it Football.

**ODD **and you know why? 'cos it involves running around a field kicking a ball with your foot (Football) while American Football only involves contact between the ball and your feet during penalties, do I make myself clear?

**Aelita **also the relationship things are really starting to irritate me, many fic's portray me as clueless and naive, even though in the series I appear more mature and older, and worse some have portrayed me as a slut! Oh hold me Jearmy.

**JEARMY **I love Aelita, that much is true, so why do you…

**ODD **heartless Bastards and Bitches?

**JEARMY **why do you try to break us up, I will never start dating Yumi or Sissi or any random OC that just happens to turn up.

**AELITA **and as much as you perverts would drool over me and Yumi as lesbian lovers, were not in love and would never do that, neither will I fall in love with Odd, Ulrich or William or any one else, I like Jearmy (strokes his cheek gently.)

**ODD **God get a room (mumbles) Ow (Yumi hits him) OK, OK on the subject of lurve, frenching, while French kissing is a widely accepted and recognized term for deep throating, tongue wrestling, you know kissing with some tongue action, as my assistants here demonstrate.

Yumi and Ulrich grab each other in a passionate embrace their mouths lock together as their tongues touch in an orgasm of pure love.

**ODD **now you two really need a room, in France, especially seen as how we are French, all types of kissing from a snog like that to a peck on the lips is a French kiss, you understand?

**JEARMY **how long do you think they'll be like that?

**AELITA **let them enjoy the moment.

**ODD **while the love birds are busy, let's talk about my love life.

**JEARMY **let's not (mumbles)

**ODD **I have no feelings for Sissi, alright I admit she's nice to look at but I am not about to start dating her.

**JEARMY **she wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on Earth.

**ODD **yeah, but the real reason is I couldn't stand her attitude and personality, besides although I'm a womanizer as stated in the TV series and therefore going on dates with some of the minor characters is possible.

**AELITA** he is not in love with me, even if he does sometimes flirt with me.

Jearmy scowls at Odd who looks distinctly uncomftable.

**ODD **not only is Aelita Jearmy's girl but I am pretending she's my cousin so that would also be wrong if the rest of Kadic find out.

**JEARMY **and if he fell in love with Yumi, Ulrich would kill him.

**ODD **and the Oddrich pairings are just a no!

**Aelita **Yumi would kill you (so would Sissi and every other girl in the school)

**ODD **if I have to have a girlfriend I'd prefer it to be Sam (sure she was only in one episode, but go on watch it) it was real love, you can tell.

**Aelita **Jearmy! How long is it possible for the human body to go without oxygen?

**JEARMY **I'm not sure but if they keep this up they'll have broken the record.

**SISSI **OH my GOD!

Ulrich and Yumi break apart and blush a furious crimson red colour.

**ODD **another 30 seconds and they'd have broken the record (sadly.)

**SISSI **what were you doing?!?

**YUMI **what's it look like?

**ULRICH **Sissi I don't like you and I never will like you, I lov..like Yumi. I will never fall in love with or date you or anyone else in the Kadic or especially any OC's either

**YUMI **Oh Ulrich I lov…like you too, Williams, sort of pushy and just a friend, their was never anything between me and Theo I swear.

**SISSI **Gag! Ulrich's mine!

**ODD **why don't you try Herb? I'm sure he'd be more than will…

**SISSI **complete that sentence and I'll have you killed my Father is my puppet, I'm the one who really runs this joint, I'll make you pay for this, and those **Censored **Fan fic writers too.

**ULRICH **what have they ever done to you?

**SISSI **paired me with him for a start (points at Odd)

**ODD **feelings mutual (ducks behind Ulrich and Yumi)

**SISSI **and I wouldn't touch that cow, even if I was into that sought of thing, which I'm not cos I'm certainly not Bi and I love Ulrich

**YUMI **good because if I were a lesbian and their were no other girls in the world I'd rather do it with a man than you

**SISSI **I am not a tart or a slut, no matter what any of you say, I'll be back, to get revenge on you all!!!!

**ODD** she has issues

**ULRICH **forget her, can you please knock it off with the insane OC's like we'd allow anyone else to go to Lyoko after the William disaster

**Yumi** especially if their related to us, or from another TV series, We HATE! Crossovers! But even more stop it with the after Lyoko fics, I have no intention of having a teenage pregnacncy despite what some of your obvious preggy fetish deluded minds would like to think

**AELITA** Yumi's a sensible, modern girl

**YUMI **I'm on the pill

**ULRICH **WHAT!!!!!!!

**YUMI **(hisses) I'm still a virgin

**JEARMY **wait a minute, this can't be!!!!

**AELITA **has Xana launched another attack, rember it's spelt Xana but pronounced Zanna

**JEARMY **worse!

**YUMI **worse than Xana?

**ULRICH **what is it?

**JEARMY **I've just hacked into our Authors (Exalons) computer and in his next fic he commits half the offences we've just listed!

**ODD **why that Smug, self centered hypocritical Git!

**EVERYONE ** lets get him, I'll tear him limb from limb, mess with us huh?

_Oopsie it's the end of the fic, awww what a shame, hey what no, no, how'd you get in the real world, no stop it Kiwi leave my undies alone arrgh, owwww, the pain, someone call a veterinarian, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh Yumi Aelita don't do anything you'll regret, Ulrich? OOOOOOhhhhhhh God, someone save me!!!!!! Jearmy what are you doing to that robot?__ Odd, no not the electrodes, I'll be good, I'll be good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Normal service will be resumed when the Author comes out of intensive care**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2) out of Casualty, out of critical care

**Yeah, last time I got beaten up, and have since decided that my Code Lyoko fic 'Adultary, ****Pregnancies, STD's, in Kadic High' based in America rather than France just wasn't worth having my shackra ripped out and eaten by Odd's dog, (thanks for leaving my spleen alone guys 'Ow')**

**Decided to let the other characters have a word in.**

**Theo **I'm sick of been underplayed in the fic's, so I only appeared in season 1, I'm not going to be used as a tool or a plot device, I am interested in Yumi, but since that Bastard William showed up, I can't get a look in, I am not Williams lackey and never will be.

**William**'cos your to pathetic to be of any use to me.

**Theo **take that back!

**William **you wanna go!

Theo leaves throwing William several death glares over his shoulder.

**William**the American term for me is a Jock, I'm cool, tough, athletic and popular, I like Yumi, I like her a lot, I don't exactly hate Ulrich but I don't like him, he's my rival, I enjoy challenging him, beating him and taunting him.

Smirks

**William**I am not a monster, I am not working for Xana, I am not going to rape Yumi, or cheat on her if she becomes my girlfriend, Okay so I wouldn't mind if Ulrich drops out of the picture, I'm not going to beat him up and kill him, well I'm not going to kill him.

William leaves, hands in pockets.

**Emily **(sighs) how come I'm only included to drive a rift between Ulrich and Yumi? I'm barely in five minutes and then I'm forgotten about…

_I could have sworn there was a girl in this fic? Ahh well who cares?_

**Jearmy **Jim is not going to become a Lyoko warrior, nor will we tell him about our secret.

**Sissi**Hold it! You're not a minor character, stick to your own chapter.

**Herb **she's right.

**Nicholas**yeah, you shouldn't be here.

**Jearmy **well Jim couldn't do it, he doesn't know about lyoko.

**Odd**and neither do you, you'll never be a warrior on lyoko.

**Sissi**Grrrr

**Jearmy **besides, you're a minor character and you turned up in our chapter.

Jearmy and odd leave

**Sissi** (shouts after them) I am NOT a minor character!

**Sam**did I just miss odd? Dang, I'm not going to be a warrior either, I am not about to join Kadic academy, neither will I hang around with Odd's friends.

OoOoO

**Xana **I refuse to parcipatate.

**Me**pity, and to think I happen to have a spare set of keys to lyoko here.

I jangle the keys.

**Xana**gimme, gimme!

**Me**(pulls keys out of reach) ah, ah, ah, first sit up straight, that's a good Xana, now roll over!

**Xana**?!?!

**Me**sorry I always wanted a dog, do your thing.

**Xana**I am a psychopathic computer virus, I am not, have never been, hope never to be human.

**Me**True he's a computer program created by Franz Hopper that went out of control.

**Xana**I am not Aelita's father!

**Me**no one ever said you were.

**Xana**I am your father!

**Me**who's been playing star wars films on the super computer?

**Xana**I will enslave and kill all humans, I am entombed, but I will live on. This is only the beginning when the time is right I will emerge and take my rightful place as the supreme power of the Universe!

**Me **okay, mocking star wars is one thing, but NO ONE mocks Doctor who in my presence. (I take out my sonic Screwdriver and attack Xana, who is completely destroyed.)

**Aelita **you destroyed Xana!

**Me **(modestly) yeah.

**Jearmy **but how! We tried everything, how could you have defeated him so easily, armed only with a Sonic device.

**Me **that's screwdriver

**Odd **you defeated Xana? Respect (hi fives me)

**Me **(puts on an leather jacket) compared to Wotan and B.O.S.S Xana wasn't that tough

**Ulrich **great now we don't have to worry about Xana, Yumi I…I love you!

**Yumi **oh Ulrich, you have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that.

(They kiss passionately.)

**Aelita**awww… (she snuggles up to Jearmy who blushes.)

**Odd**why am I always alone at the end of these romance fic's?

**Sam**not this time (she grabs him in a passionate embrace)

**Me **there's only one thing left to be said, Fantastic, you've all been Fantastic and you know what? So was I

(I leave in a big golden phoenix like special effect)

**The ending sought of ran way with me there, remember this is strictly humor and I never intended to write a fic that included all the nasty stuff, on the plus side, I didn't get beaten up.**


End file.
